Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Ladies and gentlemen, greetings from San Francisco. The time is 11:37pm. Today's weather is partly cloudy, with a temperature of 11 degrees for tonight.
First, I'd like to give everyone a warm big hug (or we should do a group hug, that's even better) and thank each of you sincerely for still clicking this blog. I never thought I'd stop blogging just like I never thought I'd change this blog's privacy setting to public again. Seriously. The initial thought of keeping BS a private blog was to allow myself some time to focus on the new transition, new social circle, new daily schedule, and most importantly new life in a big and extremely competitive city. Moreover, I hate the feeling of being obligated to do something, I'd rather not do it at all. So, instead of biting off more than I can chew, I choose to temporary "let go" things that I can live without, blog, fancy nail art, excessive makeup (not necessary a bad thing btw), workout session, yup, even retail therapy and more... For all these months, I was a full-time mom, a hardworking homemaker and shamelessly saying, a perfect wife to Chean (because I cut down the shopping, you see). Sadly I was no longer myself; I don't even use the name Beverly at all because that reminds me of my old self, the vain and immature Beverly that I think my baby doesn't need to know. But deep down, those are the things that make me me, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying appearance is everything but the way you carry yourself does say a lot about you. After all, I shouldn't turn myself into someone that I don't even adore for whatever solid reasons they may sound, and my husband definitely deserves a "better" me.
I guess I finally reached the "rock bottom" when Chean unintentionally said, "Why don't you dress up like the way you were before Bao Bei?" We're about to go out yet I was wearing the same old tee from yesterday and the same old jeans that I've been wearing for the whole week. That's enough. I honestly need to pick up the slack.
So? What now? Well, nothing much actually.
I'm still constantly battling with the extra 3kg post-baby weight yet the full-plate dinner always wins, I simply need to eat myself into oblivion to feel that I'm still alive...
I'm still owing T.H.R.E.E. advertorials from my sponsors. Thank you Apothica, Racinne USA and Uniqso for patiently waiting for my return, embarrassedly saying.
I'm still working on the new BS layout. The previous efforts on the blog design took BS no way; it sucks max to know that I can't make a glamor return in the virtual world.
I'm still coping with (postpartum) depression, I know, I don't even qualified for that but trust me, having and raising a baby does make me feel like an emotional train wreck sometimes, especially I can't get much help from my family.
I'm still learning to juggle between being a good mom and a good wife. It's sooooo hard because my mother instinct customary presets my brain to think and function as a mom, but I'll never quit trying, darling...
I'm still picking the same pair of jeans over a fancy dress for daily routine. Speed and convenience are everything when it comes to parenthood. Don't assume you can walk down the sidewalk everyday like Victoria Beckham, that won't exist unless you have two extra pairs of hands standing by, a maid and a driver of course. Even if you can afford that, you're still not Victoria Beckham, bleh.
I guess all I wanted to say is that I'm here and I'm back, despite how dysfunctional my new life might sound. Things are just going to get better, I believe.
While I was walking past a local shop last weekend, I saw a meaningful sentence that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." The moment I read the phrase, it brought tears to my eyes, I miss living my life as Beverly no matter how much I'm in love with my new role as a mom. It took me approximately four months and 898738942 glasses of alcohol drinks to lift myself up and to realize what really moves me. No regret for the long break, life is a self-discovery journey after all... Although I have no idea where this journey gonna lead me to nor when will I eventually reach my final destination, I'm beyond elated to have every one of you onboard with me.
Thank you. Once again. For always sticking around. Until then, sit back, relax and enjoy.
Miss you all,