P.E.N.D.I.N.G

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Golden Gate Bridge
Ladies and gentlemen, greetings from San Francisco. The time is 11:37pm. Today's weather is partly cloudy, with a temperature of 11 degrees for tonight.

First, I'd like to give everyone a warm big hug (or we should do a group hug, that's even better) and thank each of you sincerely for still clicking this blog. I never thought I'd stop blogging just like I never thought I'd change this blog's privacy setting to public again. Seriously. The initial thought of keeping BS a private blog was to allow myself some time to focus on the new transition, new social circle, new daily schedule, and most importantly new life in a big and extremely competitive city. Moreover, I hate the feeling of being obligated to do something, I'd rather not do it at all. So, instead of biting off more than I can chew, I choose to temporary "let go" things that I can live without, blog, fancy nail art, excessive makeup (not necessary a bad thing btw), workout session, yup, even retail therapy and more... For all these months, I was a full-time mom, a hardworking homemaker and shamelessly saying, a perfect wife to Chean (because I cut down the shopping, you see). Sadly I was no longer myself; I don't even use the name Beverly at all because that reminds me of my old self, the vain and immature Beverly that I think my baby doesn't need to know. But deep down, those are the things that make me me, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying appearance is everything but the way you carry yourself does say a lot about you. After all, I shouldn't turn myself into someone that I don't even adore for whatever solid reasons they may sound, and my husband definitely deserves a "better" me.

I guess I finally reached the "rock bottom" when Chean unintentionally said, "Why don't you dress up like the way you were before Bao Bei?" We're about to go out yet I was wearing the same old tee from yesterday and the same old jeans that I've been wearing for the whole week. That's enough. I honestly need to pick up the slack.

So? What now? Well, nothing much actually.

I'm still constantly battling with the extra 3kg post-baby weight yet the full-plate dinner always wins, I simply need to eat myself into oblivion to feel that I'm still alive...

I'm still owing T.H.R.E.E. advertorials from my sponsors. Thank you Apothica, Racinne USA and Uniqso for patiently waiting for my return, embarrassedly saying.

I'm still working on the new BS layout. The previous efforts on the blog design took BS no way; it sucks max to know that I can't make a glamor return in the virtual world.

I'm still coping with (postpartum) depression, I know, I don't even qualified for that but trust me, having and raising a baby does make me feel like an emotional train wreck sometimes, especially I can't get much help from my family.

I'm still learning to juggle between being a good mom and a good wife. It's sooooo hard because my mother instinct customary presets my brain to think and function as a mom, but I'll never quit trying, darling...

I'm still picking the same pair of jeans over a fancy dress for daily routine. Speed and convenience are everything when it comes to parenthood. Don't assume you can walk down the sidewalk everyday like Victoria Beckham, that won't exist unless you have two extra pairs of hands standing by, a maid and a driver of course. Even if you can afford that, you're still not Victoria Beckham, bleh.

I guess all I wanted to say is that I'm here and I'm back, despite how dysfunctional my new life might sound. Things are just going to get better, I believe.

POFA_3

While I was walking past a local shop last weekend, I saw a meaningful sentence that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." The moment I read the phrase, it brought tears to my eyes, I miss living my life as Beverly no matter how much I'm in love with my new role as a mom. It took me approximately four months and 898738942 glasses of alcohol drinks to lift myself up and to realize what really moves me. No regret for the long break, life is a self-discovery journey after all... Although I have no idea where this journey gonna lead me to nor when will I eventually reach my final destination, I'm beyond elated to have every one of you onboard with me.

Thank you. Once again. For always sticking around. Until then, sit back, relax and enjoy.



Miss you all,
Bev


80 comments :

Ivy K. said...

Yay welcome back! Miss reading your blog a lot! :D

Annie Tan said...

想念你呢。
很开心读到这一篇。不只是因为再次读到你的文字,而是你让我(们)看到一个妈妈的"glamour光环“背后的真实生活。
是的,很多时候我们都知道别人在social network上po的照片不代表私底下的他。但人们都习惯了断章取义,所以才会有那么多人一窝蜂的仰慕某某人的生活,忘了照片背后从来就没有easy life这回事。
很感谢你把努力生活并用心过好每一天的message带出。加油!

Somewhere in Singapore said...

Welcome back

imyuyu said...

全职妈妈不容易,在国外的全职妈妈(没有家人帮助)就更加不容易。
除了人妻,母亲,你也还是一个独立的个体。
部落格是一个可以让你找到你自己的地方,欢迎回来。

JenniferLai said...

欢迎归队(偶尔出现也算的:P)
完全理解你的感受。有时我一篇文章可以写写停停整个礼拜才完成,你知道家里有个小瓜是没那末简单的==|||
无论如何,还是尽量留一个平台给自己,分享也好抒发也好,虽说人走到什么年龄什么阶段就得面对现实做回适当的事,可是每个阶段也是可以过得很精彩=)

Oliver Mun said...

sis, welcome back!!!! i bet all of us here were waiting for u for such a period of time~ <3

YT said...

It's nice to have you back in the blog sphere.

Sometimes environment and time will force people to change, for better for worse, I think it is really important to stay being yourself.

Hope to see more update.

Wish you all the best.

Anonymous said...

I totally feel u! Being a SAHM is not easy at all! I'm doing the same T.T~ a super tiring job yet it's worthy :) welcome back and take care!

Tyngfwu

nice9 said...

you are finally back! Miss you much~ hug~
Keep up the spirit of blogging.. You are still Beverly no matter how the life change and what character you bear with. Welcome back and cant wait for your next post! Hug again~ >.<

mia111 said...

welcome back bev... it is really nice seeing you post you know? ^_^ Best of luck!

~珊姑娘~ said...

Beverly, Welcome back! *hug*
我们一直都还在这里 =)

很感动很开心看到你回来这里了!
你很棒,全职妈妈不简单。
不管如何,我只想说,加油!不管如何改变,做个最舒服最快乐的自己最重要~

fififiona chai said...

welcome back!! *group hug*
I've always enjoyed reading your blog. I think being who you really are is really important. And I think perhaps you can find your way back through blogging.
加油哦!!

laksalover said...

awww. happy to know you are back! welcome back (:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being so honest. You look great even in an old pair of jeans!

Pinkster said...

生活有时很多无奈,可是身边有着爱的人陪伴,再无奈再艰辛也可以挨过去。
喜欢你的这一篇,很多感触可是却很真实,这就是生活。
加油,I will always stick around. Thanks for sharing with us.

Lavinia said...

It's such a good surprise to see your updates again! You are a great mom and I think you still look beautiful in t shirt and jeans! Welcome back, Beverly :-) Lavinia& Zoey

sally^^ said...

Ohhh~~ I miss your blog! so glad to know that you're coming back!! :D

Xiu Hui said...

Really happy to know this, dear Bev! Something I have been waiting patiently, hehe..really look forward to your new blog posts, but take your time~

Felicia^^ said...

Hey Ah Kuan Che Che. :) Miss you lots. Can't wait to see you again and I must see Chloe too.:) Cheer Up. :)


With love from your cousin in Malaysia. :)
Felicia

Clara Soo said...

Hi Beverly,

Welcome back!! I hope things will get better on the other end, I know how it felt, been there and totally understand it. But im pretty sure, your support is still there, yr hubby & chloe, so dont give up!

and blogging is a way to keep u up, rant and people r lending u an ear. God bless u & family!

Shin said...

歡迎回來!^^
雖然我在FB上可以知道你的近況,但我依然還是想念你的blog!!!啊,快多寫一些呵~^^

Janet Tiong said...

Dear Beverly,

Good to see you back in this blogsphere again.Been missing reading your blog post a lot. Knowing that you have entered into a new stage of life, I feel so happy for you.幸福的人妻,加油哦 =)

Vincent Cho said...

finally! welcome back! waiting for more update from you! :)

Anonymous said...

welcome back Beverly! it is good to hear from you again. i hope you have had a good break and now you have been recharged and ready to share your journey with us again.

it is never easy to cope with changes especially the unexpected one. however, you are not alone. i trust that everyone of us here- your sincere readers are willing to lend you an ear and give you a spiritual support and encouragement you needed to pull through such difficult time.

there is HOPE in this life. so keep hoping and believing in what is good and it will come to pass.

when you come to a time you just can't move on, then just look up as there is someone who cares and loves you watching from above and He has the answer and He will provide the solution.

stay blessed!

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Joie de Viv said...

Very touching post, Bev! Wishing you a great journey on your self discovery! Motherhood is definitely challenging! It is sometimes quite hard to find a way to remain try to yourself, while also trying to be the role model for your daughter you want to be, the good wife your husband deserves, etc. I know I haven't painted my nails in months - it's so sad, but being a full-time mother is all consuming! Glad to see you post here again, whenever you choose!

xx Viv at JoieDeViv (formerly, Diamonds and Tulle)

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